What led you to become a Christian?

I’d grown up going to church on holidays and to summer Bible camps.

My biological dad was in prison most of my childhood, and it caused my mom to have a stressed relationship with religion at the time. As I reached my pre-teen years, I was struggling to process some of the stuff going on, and I had one of those mini Bibles, which had prompts like “if you’re feeling this way, open to this passage”. It brought me comfort, and I started to ask if we could go to church more often. I connected with God on a more spiritual level and a more personal level, my relationship with God strengthened a lot thanks to that experience and thanks to the engagement of the youth director at church, and I felt like I had somewhere that I mattered and that I belonged.

How does your neurodiversity affect your experience of church?

I find it really hard to focus on church itself. Having ADHD, it’s really difficult to focus on sermons just due to a lack of stimulation, and I find it easy to get lost in where we are in the service, or realizing I’ve zoned out and not processed anything. Other members in my home church in Minnesota would notice me on my phone (where I found it easier to pull up the written out sermon and focus on it that way as they spoke) and call me out for not paying attention or not connecting with God. 

Are there things it makes harder?

Feeling judgement from the community on how I experience church and my relationship with my faith is a struggle. I take a lot personally and I find it hard to ignore what others perceive of me, whether their perception is accurate or not. It means that I might skip using my phone so that I look like I’m listening – but in the end I’ve gotten less from that service because I couldn’t use my phone to focus on the written out sermon and thus I’ve zoned out and missed a lot. There’s things like doodling and other stimulation such as “fidgets” that can help me focus as well. I also really connect with doing the tech as it forces me to have to focus on what’s going on in order to do my job, and it’s stimulating in multiple ways, and I know I’m being helpful.

How do you best connect with God?

When I’m doing things for others. Maybe I’ve noticed that a friend of mine has had their eye on something for a while, and I know they would appreciate it, I feel God leads me to help others in that way. I find that music is a way I can get closer to God too. I struggle with quiet time and meditation, but if I’m out in nature with music I know on, I can feel God with me. I feel a level peace that I struggle to find in my usual day to day life.

Are there things that others assume should work for you and really don’t?

Putting me on the spot to help in church, not giving me advance notice. A lot of people thrive on “surprise! We need you to do this in the service today” because they don’t have to stress about the lead up, but I need to plan for it. If I know what’s coming, I can prepare and be ready. Being put on the spot makes me panic and is difficult to adjust to.

How can others best make you feel welcome?

Inviting me to do things, giving me grace if I say no at first, but most importantly giving me the space to know that there’s a place for me. That there’s a spot with my name on it. If I’m asking if there’s something I can help with, or if they want me there, it’s because I’d like them to say yes. I don’t want to be a bother, or in the way, so if they don’t need me I get it! But I ask if I’m okay with being needed. 

If you could change one thing about your church, what would it be?

The judgement of people who want what’s best for everyone but who can’t quite understand that my best and their idea of my best don’t quite align. And that that’s okay. 

Are there things you would like to do in church but feel unable to?

Feel comfortable enough to know I have a place. To know that I am a welcome presence and that my ideas and my passions are embraced. I would love to be at a place internally where I could set up a mentoring network where neurodivergent or disabled people or people who just don’t feel like they’re connecting with church because of invisible barriers can meet one on one with mentors who deal with the same struggles, and can help the church and the individual adapt to fit each other.

What has most helped you grow as a Christian?

My one on one meetings with various mentors throughout my life. Them taking the space to recognize that I’m here, that I wouldn’t be if I didn’t want to be, and that I have a deep passion for helping, even if I miss out on the execution of my ideas more often than I’d like. My mentors taking the time to help me grow in my personal life, my work life, and my spiritual life, all equally, because the balance is what helps ensure that my spiritual life is healthy.

Nicki

I’m 27, and I used to be an intern at St. Jude’s, Mapperley. I’m passionate about kindness, animals, and helping others be seen. I live with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety.

“Feeling judgement from the community on how I experience church and my relationship with my faith is a struggle.”